REAL FAIRIES, REAL FLYING, REAL FUN
by Bill Newton (Flying Fairy #2)
This is just one flyer's account of the day that the Flatulent Fairies finally took to the skies.
I was hoping that after a good sleep on Saturday night, I'd wake up to the good omen of birdsong. Maybe it's because of the cats or because where I live the birds had probably all been shot, but only silence in a cloudy sky greeted me when the eyes were finally prised open.
For once even Charles (my son) wasn't too reluctant to get out of bed. He'd probably been having pleasant dreams about what shape I'd be in later in the day.
After Sarah (my wife) had prepared the day's eatings, we set off down the M3 watching the sky get bluer and bluer as we neared Bognor. We'd circled the town's one-way system a couple of times but a few phone calls to Eek ensured we met up in the Regis car park before wandering up to the pier to register ourselves.
We were a bit worried at this time as the sea was nowhere near the actual pier and the sand didn't look too soft for our landing. The height of the pier didn't look too bad itself, but for some reason the organisers had decided to add an extra 20' of scaffolding on top of that.
After registering and getting VIP passes for everyone it was back to the car park to get into the costumes that Elsie had made for us. There were a few stares but that was understandable as some of the outfits worn by the locals weren't that respectable. A few of the "Usual Suspects", G4AG (and spouse) and Andy and Al of the "Big" variety were there to see the last of the tights being "hitched".
After a photo call, we all made our way to get a decent pitch by the sea wall (well it was decent until a Quins shirt appeared on the pebbles in front of us,) MWM, Lord Langley and Emily meeting us along the way.
Being only about 10 o'clock and no bars open Eek decided to visit the café across the road. I don't know if he'd seen the sign over the door "The Pixie Café"
We both decided to go onto the pier and have a look at our competition before the safety briefing. There were some craicing hang gliders there but it was "Jules" that really took the eye. A true Heath Robinson peddle powered affair. Apparently it was still in one piece because they'd decided not to fly in Saturday's event as they'd used the wrong glue. Wasn't it waterproof or something?
The safety briefing was more to do with the "assisted" flyers rather than those in the Kingfisher class (the jumpers). Making sure they could be "cut out" of harnesses, what's the best sort of crash helmet etc. I was more interested in the instructions for using the diver's aqualung, hoping I'd still be able to breath at the time.
We then had a walk up "the ramp". More like the Green Mile! The sea did look good from up there though, unless you looked down. We then gave the first of several interviews and had our photos taken. That happened a lot, which was rather nice except when we were trying to get to the pub for a bit of fortification. Fortunately they were two young ladies from the Norwegian press who accosted us on the way there. The chap who wanted us just to stand upright and not "pose" was a bit worrying. Did he have a ruler behind us? Was he from the local undertakers?
It was a good job that we didn't stay too long in the Pub as when we got back onto the pier we found out that two of the jumpers before us had had second thoughts and not turned up. So we were "on" early.
We waited at the bottom of the ramp for "Batman" to take the plunge. Nice Thong!
Then it was us. A little bit of limbering up on the ramp preceded the green light to start our "routine" (Kingfishers being allowed 3 minutes after the green light before jumping.) Suffice to say that a last minute change of music by Eek didn't affect us in the least. I'm not too sure the original " Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy" matched our moves anyway. Or was it the other way round?
The full, choreographed routine can be seen on the DVD. Priced reasonably at £5. Contact admin@fartfairy.org.uk for details.
The sea turned out to be surprisingly warm. I only lost 1 shoe, a pair of glasses (not real ones thankfully) and my wand, whereas Eek was completely de-winged. After being hoisted into the support boat we were told that we'd attained the magnificent distance of 3.1 metres. There was some discussion as to whether this was an accumulated total or not. After being dropped off at the water's edge, I really regretted losing that other shoe as we walked on the pebbles.
A quick debrief ensued with the Fairy Support before we went to the VIP lounge to change and to raise a glass to Eek's dad, Anthony (Pa Weeble) Cooper who'd attained his real wings on the 16th. I'm sure I saw a couple of drops of beer on Eek's face where they'd landed as his dad, beer in hand, was chuckling down on us.
Eek wandered back to the beach front while I then went to film some of the real fliers. Thought's of Ow!, Argh! And "that must really smart" came to mind several times.
Then it was time for the presentations outside to Royal Hotel. I'd already been told that we'd not won (3.1m indeed) so I was really surprised when they announced that we'd won "The Lyn Award" Cup for "the funniest event of the day". It must have been the way Eek got into the boat.
Some of you may have already read on the Craic MB, the inscription that accompanied the Cup, please bear with me as I put it here too.
Congratulations!
On winning "The Lyn Award" Cup.
Which is given to the Birdman who has impressed the judges with their skill,
determination & courage.
and also...
For producing on Sunday the 21st, August 2005 not by design - but default!
The funniest event of the day.
"The Lyn Award"
Lyn Greenwood/Beaney was a mere 12 years of age (which made her the youngest
ever competitor) when she entered her very 1st. Birdman Rally in 1988. She
jumped with Eddie "The Eagle" Edwards, dressed as Miss Bognor Regis 1888 and
her chosen charity was - Guide Dogs For The Blind.
The following year Lyn jumped with Eddie once again, this time dressed as a St. Trinians schoolgirl, with her chosen charity being - The Laburnam Day Centre for the elderly in Bognor Regis. Lyn was unable to jump when she was 14 years of age. due to being hospitalised with appendicitis!
The 1991 Birman Rally saw Lyn dressed as Peter Pan and going "solo" off the pier for the first time. Her chosen charity for that year was the RSPCA ( Bognor Regis branch).
Lyn's final Birdman Rally jump was the following year and found her dressed as a patient attended by a St. John's Ambulance man. Her partner for the Birdman jump was Andrew Coventry - who was a fellow colleague from the brigade.
Lyn I'm afraid to say, is no longer with us - for she unfortunately passed away at the very yound age of 21. So we as very proud parents decided to donate to you for the next year "The Lyn Award" cup in recognition of the same courage and fearlessness as Lyn showed, in collecting money for her chosen charities.
Congratulations and very well done.
Jackie and Wayne Beaney.
Thanks Jackie and Wayne. Here's to your daughter.
The day then wound down to the accompaniment of several libations and a few buckets of chips before a wearisome journey home.
Talk has already started about next year's event. Eek is trying to see if we'd be allowed six people to jump so that we could do the "3 minute Fairies Ballet" version of Act I of Swan Lake. If not then it may be a Euro Farter dogfight.
As to "REAL FAIRIES, REAL FLYING, REAL FUN"? . So we aren't real fairies. We didn't actually fly (12 meters is classed as flying.) But we certainly had fun. One out of three isn't bad!